The Life Systems Every Woman Needs to Start Pouring Into Herself: System #1
SYSTEM #1: STOP OUTSOURCING YOUR WORTH
How to build self-worth, independence, peace, purpose, and a life that doesn’t revolve around being chosen.
START HERE
Your opinion of yourself shouldn’t change depending on who texts you, wants you, praises you, chooses you, or approves of you.
A lot of women don’t actually have a confidence problem. They have an external-validation problem. They feel good when they’re wanted. Beautiful when they’re complimented. Successful when they’re praised. Secure when someone stays. Worthy when they’re useful. And when one of those things disappears, their self-worth goes with it.
The goal is to stop allowing other people’s opinions, attention, and behavior to determine your relationship with yourself.
READ THIS
Fierce Self-Compassion - Dr. Kristin Neff
A practical look at self-compassion for women. Not just being kinder to yourself, but protecting yourself, meeting your needs, speaking up, and acting from self-respect.
WORK THROUGH THIS
The Mindful Self- Compassion Workbook
It’s based on the Mindful Self-Compassion progream developed by Neff and psychologist Christopher Germer and contains strucured exercises and practices rather than simply giving the reader information. Don’t just read about self-compassion. Practice it.
LISTEN TO THIS
How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence
Listen while you’re walking (more on moving your body in a later pillar). Pick ONE thing from the episode and use it. Comsuming self-help content can feel like self-improvement without requiring us to actually change anything.
DO THIS
Take a Self-Worth Audit. Put your phone down, take one page, and divide it into two colums:
One the left write: “Things I use to decide whether I’m worthy.”
Be brutally truthful: Here are examples:
Whether someone texts me back
Whether a man chooses me
Whether I look attractive
Whether people approve of me
Whether I’m productive
Whether I’m a good mother/friend
Whether I’m successful
Whether someone is upset with me
Whether I have the body I want
Whether I’m getting attention online
Then on the right write: “What I want my worth to be based on instead.”
Here are example:
I keep promises to myself
I act according to my values
I treat people well
I leave situations that repeatedly hurt me
I take care of my body
I tell the truth
I try again when I fail
I protect my peace
I invest in my future
I don’t abandon myself to keep someone else
Then circle one thing on the right and turn it into a behavior you can prove this week.
Example:
“I keep promises to myself.” —> I will walk three times a week.
“I protect my peace.” —> I will not repeatedly check someone social media when I’m anxious
“I invest in my future.” —>I will spend one hour Sunday working on my goal.
KEEP GOING. EACH WEEK, CIRCLE ONE NEW STATMENT AND TURN INTO A BEHAVIOR YOU CAN PROVE. CONTINUE UNTIL EVERY STATEMENT IN YOUR SECOND COLUMN HAS BEEN CIRCLED.
UP NEXT IN THE SERIES
Life System #2: Stop Letting Your Emotions Run Your Life
